• Ilze SB

How to BECOME more CONFIDENT

Updated: Jun 18

Do you ever wonder why some people seem so confident? Do they ever have moments when they are not so sure of themselves? Having doubts? Most likely they are just as human as we are with ups and downs. But what's their secret to looking so confident??


Well, exactly! First, it actually is about how it LOOKS - and here I am not referring to what they wear (even though that can also boost confidence), but more focusing on what's their posture and body language? Lets try it now - just get up, stretch and stand up straight, roll your shoulders back, chest open, head up! Take a deep and steady breath. Walk around with a determined stride. How does it feel?

And now try slouching, shallow breathing and hanging your head low - do you feel the difference? Well, you just demonstrated that you can choose how you hold your body - so, be conscious about it! Maintaining a good & upright posture makes you feel stronger and more sure of yourself.

Want to try a step further? Add looking into people's eyes when you talk to them at least half of the time (not to appear too pushy)! If you don't feel comfortable with looking in the eyes yet - start by staring at the middle of their forehead. Maintaining confident eye contact doesn’t just establish better relationships and grant deeper connections, it's also considered one of the fastest ways to radiate confidence when meeting new people.


Second, it's about your SELF-TALK. Yes, the way you speak to yourself inside your head! How harsh are you on yourself? If you continuously call yourself stupid or clumsy or unable to do this or that - guess what - you're programming your mind to perceive it as a self-fulfilling prophecy! Also questions like "Why am I so fat?" or "Why nobody loves me?" are not really helpful to anybody either, are they? So, consciously replace negative words and inside-quests with positive and self-encouraging ones. Analyze what language you use - is it uplifting or depressing?

Further, start noticing the opportunities in any situation or the so-called silver lining of things. Gratitude is very powerful tool to see the world, others and yourself in it as a gift, not a burden. And we tend to believe more in what we appreciate - thus, you can create more self-belief by using gratitude! :)


Confidence is nothing more than truly believing in yourself. Feeling certain that you can reach that goal you set out for yourself. Trusting that no matter what, you’ll be able to handle any situation and learn from the mistakes or failures. It's not about knowing it all or having done it all. Yes, any historical success might help you feel more confident, but there are lots of people who have achieved socially valued milestones yet don't feel the confidence. That's because confidence doesn’t come from your outside achievements – it comes from within. Actually, confidence is a learned skill. Or re-learned since most of the newborns don't struggle with doubts about should they cry for food or attention ;) So, that's good news, too!


Thirdly, it's your mood which is influenced by how you feel about yourself, others and the circumstances. The amazing thing is that you can change your mood at any time - think of a time when you felt slightly irritated, but then someone told a hilarious joke and you broke out laughing!

You see, your mood doesn't have to be affected by what’s going on around you or what other people do or say. To change your mood try picturing a recent success that you really valued or a situation that excited you. The brain doesn't know whether it's true or imagination, so it will flood your body with the same hormones as if its happening for real. Use this knowledge to boost your mood at any time!


Positive visualization is indeed a powerful tool to gain awareness on how to feel confident about yourself. Think of yourself succeeding at something on your goal list, the positive emotions you would feel, celebrating the win and for now ignore any thoughts of doubt or failure. Which emotions make you feel confident? Feeling free, certain, trusting, hopeful, joyful? What else? Can you consciously create more of those in your daily life? What you FOCUS on becomes your reality – and that includes what you focus on feeling and creating within your own mind.

#confidence #becomingconfident #believeyourself #learnedskills #posture #bodylanguage #meetingnewpeople #eyecontact #selftalk #innerquestions #language #gratitude #mood #visualization #focus #awareness #coaching #personaldevelopment

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©2020 by Ilze Spigule - Buijtenweg